This morning I woke up in Seattle to find an email from Zac telling me that Ernie passed away last night. Maybe it’ was because I was thousands of miles away when I got the news, but it seemed like a bad dream, something too painful and surreal to be true. I felt completely numb, which may have been a blessing because I had a day filled with unbreakable commitments.
I refused to allow myself to think about Ernie all day. I told no one what had happened because I had to hold myself together and power through the day, not even my mom and sister. I kept my appointments and did what I had to do until I walked through the door of my hotel room, fell to my knees, and dissolved into sobs. It was like a dam had broken in my heart.
If you’re thinking that it’s crazy to have such a dramatic reaction to the death of a sheep, I can state with dead certainty that you never met Ernie. He was a sheep in a million.
I will never forget the first time I laid eyes on E. He was a bottle baby lamb at The Stone Barns Center for Food and Agriculture where I was working. We just sort of took up with each other and, noticing our abiding fondness for one another, livestock manager Craig Haney let me take Ernie home to my own farm to join my own small flock of sheep.
This is my favorite picture of me and E because we are both so happy.
Ernie, a Cotswold, grew and grew and grew into a giant sheep, dwarfing all the other member of the flock. And Ernie had a personality that was just as big as he was. If most of the sheep at JMF work in production, Ernie was the head of the PR department. Every visitor to the farm was enamored of this gentle giant. He charmed them all, nosing in their pockets in search of treats and encouraging them to rub his ears.
Ernie and Cini, our chief of security, were the best of friends. They used to spend hours playing a sort of combination of tag and hide-and-seek, chasing each other around the run-in shed. When Ernie want to play, he would walk right up to a sleeping Cini and kick him until Cini gave up and played with him. Zac’s email this morning said that when he found Ernie this morning, Cini was right beside him, protecting his friend to the very end.
The fact that I was so far away when Ernie died seems so unnecessarily cruel. I didn’t have the chance to say goodbye. I’m just so broken hearted. For Ernie, and for the end of the era of Ernie. How much longer will I have to spend with Buster and Cosmo? With Cini? They have been with me for so long, coming along at a time in my life when I needed a purpose, needed someone to be responsible for. During my divorce, there were days when my only reason getting out of bed in the morning were those animals. They saved me.
I feel like someone has ripped something out of me, and I know that I’m going to be hurting for a very long time. But I know that I was terribly lucky to have known Ernie, to have had him in my life for so long. He was a good sheep and I’m a better person for having known him.
I’ve gather a few of my favorite Ernie posts here for those of you that didn’t get the chance to meet him in person. I hope they give you a glimpse into this amazing creature’s personality.
Ernie Gets Shorn
Ernie’s Lament
Sexy Fun Time
Sheep of the Week
