Monthly Archives: November 2008

The Eyes Have It…or not

Alright. I know I’ve said it before, but it’s just been confirmed.

I am officially OLD.

Yep, in capital letters. Beacuse those are the ones I can see.

How do I know this, you ask?

Well, you see, it all started with a trip to the eye doctor…and it will end next week with a pair of bifocals.

Yes, you read that correctly. Bifocals. The glasses your grandma wore. When she was OLD.

Me? I’m 42. In my head, I’m about 19. But chronologically, I’m 42. I should NOT be wearing bifocals at my age, but what can I tell you? I need a prescription for nearsightedness AND one for distance. I can’t win!

I’ve been wearing glasses for about 2 years for close work. I crochet and it was getting hard to see the yarn and read the patterns. Then I noticed that when I looked up from my work, I couldn’t see the TV. Well, I could SEE it, but it was blurry. So off to the eye doc I went. New glasses helped that, and I wear them like Madam Librarian – low on my nose, because if I try to walk through the house (or the plant at work), I can’t see across the room with my glasses on. BUT – I can see my computer screen at work and I can see my handwork! What a bonus! People won’t be getting mismatched socks!

July a year ago, I was diagnosed as Type 2 diabetic. And one of the things they told me to do was go get a “real” eye exam. The kind you get at the ophthalmologist, not the optometrist. I (obviously) didn’t do it for a while. I finally got around to making the appointment because it’s getting where I have trouble reading road signs at a distance.


I had a friend at work warn me that if they dilated my eyes (which I knew was going to happen), that I would *barely* be able to see going home. I figured it was at night, it would be dark, how hard could it be? Besides, the doctor simply said “Be careful driving, it will be a little hard to see.”


It was like driving through outer space – every headlight, every streetlight, every taillight, every EVERY light was a huge star. Like some photographer had just gotten his new star effects filter and decided everything looked better that way. There I was, with 2 lanes of oncoming traffic on the left and 2 lanes going my way…almost totally blinded by the light (to borrow a phrase). I must have looked like the world’s most incompetent driver.

So I call my girly, and tell her I’m getting hoagies from Wawa for dinner and to tell me what she wants. She says…”I’ll text it to you.” I say…”OK, sweetie. That’s a great idea.”

I’m an IDIOT. D’ya think I could read the phone?!? I couldn’t even tell there were letters on the screen – they all looked like lines of ants marching across. It’s bad enough I already need glasses to see the damn thing!

OH!! And did I tell you?!? Immediately after they put the dilation drops in, they tell you to pick out your new frames. I can’t wait to actually SEE what I picked out…’cause gods know I couldn’t see them last night – and I relied on the office manager to be my fashion police. And these I’ll have to wear all the time now…not just when I’m reading or crocheting. Oy.

Can’t wait to see what my girly thinks…I can hear her laughing now. “You let someone tell you those were OK?!? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!”


Yep. I'm old.