I’ve been pretty quiet here for a few weeks. It’s been pretty fair to say that we’ve taken a few gut punches recently and I’ve not really been ready to talk about it; in fact I haven’t really wanted to talk much at all. But, I’m feeling like I can at least dip a toe back into life and try to see how to move forward and how to keep going while still trying to come to terms with reality.
This past weekend we had to bury our grumpy old man, Gulliver. I didn’t expect it to happen so soon, and I certainly wasn’t prepared with how hard it would hit me. Certainly he was getting old, but not that old. Looking back, though, I can see that the last year he was clearly much slower, much more subdued. He spent the vast majority of his time curled up in the laundry, not really wanting to interact. I’d try to make him come downstairs and sit on someone’s lap, or at least curl up on the couch and be around the family, but he’d inevitably and slowly hobble back up the stairs to the relative dark and comfort of the dirty clothes. Eventually I put a gate up so he wouldn’t keep making this retreat and we could actually keep an eye on him. I also knew he must be developing arthritis, since the stairs seemed to bother him now.
He was happy to have a lap most days, but you could tell he just wanted to go off on his own.
On Saturday he passed away at home, next to Paul, quietly. He simply stopped breathing, and that was that. If nothing else, I am glad he was home, warm and dry, and not alone.
We used to joke that he was going to live forever because he was such a mean little thing sometimes. There’s no one in this house he hasn’t bitten at least once. Nevertheless, I’m going to miss the little booger, quite a lot.
Unfortunately, his loss is a rather “insult to injury” situation, because there is even more bad news.
On Monday the 14th of this month, Cini wandered out for his early morning pee and never returned.
We’ve spent countless hours trudging in the rain and mud through numerous yards, woods, drainage ditches, creeks, storm drains, and neighborhoods. I’ve driven all over the county, even to spots that I know deep down he’d never make it to on his own, with his bad hips. I’ve posted all over the internet. I’ve had conversations about him with everyone I’ve come into contact with who lives locally. I’ve called the shelters. It’s as if he simply vanished. It’s eerily similar to how Gulliver tried so hard to be off on his own, and many friends have said it seems like he probably did just that. I am having a hard time accepting that. True, he was very old for a dog of his size and breed. He was having trouble getting around and he was getting skinnier and skinnier despite being fed more and more. He just didn’t seem close to death’s door…..but then again neither did Gulliver. It’s been a bitter pill to swallow, and truthfully, I keep spitting it out. It’s been two weeks and I am still looking for him every day. Still hoping against hope.
The only thing I’ve been able to do to offer myself any real comfort is simply doubling down on the affection and treats for the remaining dogs. It helps, but it doesn’t fill that hole.
Honestly I don’t think I will ever stop looking. Not knowing is very, very difficult.
It feels very quiet and lonely in the house lately. We’ve put up a tree and decorated, and soon I will unabashedly throw myself into Christmas. For the moment, though, I am not through with my grief, and I have more walks to take through the woods before I can come out and fully join the world again.
Tagged: grief, Pets
I’ve noticed this adorable hobby horse from Aurelie in the past, but I don’t think I’ve blogged about it before. The pattern is quite detailed, with close up photos of all the different sections, including the bridle construction. She includes links for tutorials as well.
I love the google-y eyes found on most of Cheezombie’s patterns! The pattern doesn’t give much detail on yarn or gauge, but this allows you to experiment with your stash. This little guy looks like he’d be quite addictive! Photos are included to highlight possibly tricky spots.
Doreen’s Hot Air Balloons Mobile would make a terrific baby gift! You can use up various odds and ends of sock yarn to make the balloons distinctly your own. (I bet you could even devise some stranded motifs to go around the widest part of the balloon!)
Suzanne’s mistletoe is easily customizable for as many leaves/branches as you’d like. I’d make a good sized one, as shown, for decor, and maybe smaller ones to decorate gift packages.
Marnie MacLean publishes impeccable, gorgeous, thoughtful patterns. Check out her 
Aurélie Colas publishes wonderful adult and children’s home/toy, garment, and accessory patterns. Check out her 
Have you participated before this year?
Another striking colorwork option, this one worked from the top down. The stranded stitch patterns are charted; Faye includes tips on maintaining tension and handling floats. I love how the stitch pattern flows into the ribbing! The hat is offered in one adult size, and Faye suggests altering gauge to achieve other sizes. 
Full of knitterly details and encouragement to use special skeins of rare breed wool! I love the turned hem, the plush pom pom, and the subtle textured stitch pattern. This is a pattern to really let your yarn shine. It’s offered in three different sizes. The pattern is laid out beautifully and includes multiple photos of the various details.
Ruth Brasch publishes sweet, fun, kid- and adult-friendly patterns. Check out her 
